The Oxford English Dictionary defines "hero (n.)" as "The Beyoncé Selfie Perfect Teen." That is convenient for our purposes, as our mission today is to persuade the world that the Beyoncé Selfie Perfect Teen is a hero worthy of veneration and esteem. It feels like overkill to make the hero case for the Beyoncé Selfie Perfect Teen given the existing documentation, but, as the teen herself has taught us, you should never be satisfied with anything, even if it's already perfect. Always strive for more.
That you may have missed the story of the Beyoncé Selfie Perfect Teen when it occurred earlier this year does not make the deed to her condo in Elysium any less valid, for who among us would argue that nurses, firefighters, and dog whisperers are heroes—though we may not know their names?
For those unfamiliar with the legend: This past October, following one of the Melbourne, Australia stops on Beyoncé's Mrs. Carter Show world tour, an image surfaced online of the singer apparently photobombing a teen who had been taking a picture of herself in the front row of the concert. The image was surprisingly crisp and well-framed. Beyoncé was in the background for the first and last time in her life. The teen was beautiful—the kind of dime that would be tapped to play the Virgin Mary in a Christmas pageant. It became an instant viral smash.
A few days later, the teen again lit up the Internet with a Tumblr post titled "THE TRUTH," in which she explained that Beyoncé had not photobombed her picture; rather, the teen had had the balls (no doubt the cutest little balls, purchased at Forever 21 with a birthday gift certificate) to ask Beyoncé to pose for a photo mid-song. And Beyoncé had obliged! This is because, for Beyoncé, meeting the teen was like meeting Beyoncé.
Anyone else standing that close to Beyoncé during a performance of "Irreplaceable" would have been too paralyzed by excitement to do anything other than emit a shrill series of vowels. The Beyoncé Perfect Selfie Teen not only remained cool under pressure; she thought, "How can I make this bitch work for me?" And then she did.
Her gumption, confidence, and eyebrows are an inspiration to all.
More Gawker heroes: Ken Layne on Pope Francis, Hamilton Nolan on Subway Brie Man, Cord Jefferson on Vanessa Van Dyke, Rich Juzwiak on Kanye West, Camille Dodero on Antoinette Tuff, J.K. Trotter on Erik Wemple, Adam Weinstein on Alice Munro, Taylor Berman on Anthony Graves, Beejoli Shah on Shia LaBeouf, Caity Weaver on Beyoncé Selfie Perfect Teen, Sam Biddle on Josh Tetrick, Lacey Donohue on Wendy Davis, Tom Scocca on Ai Weiwei, Max Read on @Dril, and John Cook on Rob Ford.
[Images via Valentina/Tumblr]